Men's Mental Health

Men’s mental health is a daring subject for a woman to write about, but never-the-less an important issue to bring to light.  A recent article entitled “Men’s Mental Health Needs” in the magazine Therapy Today stated that problems with male  mental health are under-diagnosed and under-treated.  I would like to add to this that it is also under-reported:  after doing a little research, comparing the number of reports on the BBC News website and on Google, I found that women’s mental health is more widely written and talked about.

Looking at the history of psychology and psychotherapy, it makes perfect sense to me that women’s mental health is a more accepted and explored subject. 

Dr Sigmund Freud, who is known as the founder of psychoanalysis, performed what was in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s, looked upon as ground breaking and controversial psychological research.  Although his methods would not pass as ethical by today’s standards and most of his work has been superseded, his theories still live on in the training of counsellors and psychotherapists.

Having been brought up in an era when the ultimate evolved being was considered to be the white man, Dr Freud based the majority of his work on women.  Perhaps it would not have been in his favour to include the “superior” white male in his study as this could have indicated his demise from the top of the hierarchical pyramid. 

As Dr Freud’s research on women became increasingly acknowledged, more followers began to develop their own theories and may unintentionally have carried on the myth that male mental health was perfection and a state of mind to strive to achieve. 

In society today, thankfully, our ideas are changing and a report such as the one published by the European Commission, openly discussing men’s mental health with research taken from 34 European countries, is to be welcomed.  Perhaps a recognition is emerging that men and women do have different mental health needs and that men have been hugely underrepresented in today’s therapeutic community?

Thanks to Mind a more user friendly and in-depth report on men’s mental health exists, with research conducted by Mind in the UK and showing very similar results.

With research results showing that ‘more men take their own lives and are more likely to externalise their distress through substance misuse and antisocial behaviour’ and that ‘they are more likely to suffer from work related stress such as fatigue and irritability’ (Therapy Today, Vol.23, 4), it may be time to start talking more about men’s mental health.  Bringing issues such as this to the attention of society in general will make it a more accessible issue for men (and women) to talk about and accept for themselves.

Bringing men's mental health into light we might even find that, after a little exploration, the gender differences are not so great after all.

The Value of Talking

The novelist E M Forster once said: ‘How do I know what I think, until I hear what I say?’ Talking is hugely underestimated; when we really take apart what actually is happening when we talk, we may get a surprise.  It isn't just the act of speaking but also the skills involved in listening that influences how effective we are at communicating. 

In relationships talking and listening are probably the two most important aspects of intimacy.  Through verbally expressing ourselves we let our partner into our world; our views, values, dreams and ideas.  It is the way we get to know one another and the way we initially enjoy each other’s company.

Daily communication in a relationship may be easy and won't necessarily cause many problems, but when it comes to in-depth talking, problem solving or supporting each other, it could be a different experience.

Many couples find they get on really well at the beginning of their relationship, remembering their early days as talking a lot and being very close.   Months or perhaps years later conversation changes and becomes a little more difficult, with arguments happening regularly.  This change can be caused by many things though one common reason is that unresolved issues lie in the background, getting in the way of having a more intimate conversation.

Some hints on how to have mutually satisfying conversations may be:

1. Think of how you would talk with your best friend; the conversation may be different but the way you behave should be very similar.  After all, this is your chosen partner, why not be nice to him/her?
2. If your talks tend to erupt into arguments and accusations, try to recognise when this is about to start and take time out.  Go to separate rooms for 15 minutes and then return and have a calmer talk.
3. Always talk from an 'I' point of view, for example; don't blame the other for how you feel, but talk about the behaviour: say 'when you do that, I feel ...' rather than 'you make me feel ...'.
4. Expressions such as 'you always ...' or 'you never ...' are rarely true and can cause an argument by themselves.  Stay away from these and try 'I would like you to ...' so turning the expression into something that can be done or discussed (calmly, preferably!)

Relationships are difficult at the best of times and very often we can deepen them and our happiness through recognising and changing little ways we do things.  The above hints are just a few small adjustments that can make a huge difference to the level of happiness in your relationship.

E. M. Foster was right, you do need to hear what you are saying before you know what you think.  So next time you and your partner talk, try listening to what it is you are saying and how you say it, then imagine your own reaction if the same was said to you.

30 July 2012